Hopes for the Beautiful Occasion

Instructors Feedback:I can completely sympathize with the frustration of a wedding where certain people’s lack of care can disrupt the joy of the occasion. You do a great job of setting up the hopes for the beautiful occasion, and you outline the problems that we encountered very clearly. So here’s the next step: remember that you want to be telling a story. Think about how you might tell this to a friend in order to hold their interest. You would zero in on certain moments of the experience that stood out and that were memorable. You might tell the scene of an argument with the person who forgot to count the attendees. You might tell the scene of where you had to comfort the fiancé as she waited anxiously for the officiant. So your next step is to think of this like a movie and help your reader really experience these events. Don’t try to tell the whole story: just zero in on significant events that help you make your point, which I think is a good one. When it comes to our once-in-a-lifetime event like this, the organizers should really put their all into making it the best.I think this is a promising topic and you create a sufficient problem that could compel your reader. Also, it doesn’t really develop the event in any detail. I think if you create at least one scene where some of the characters talking dialogue, that will help you get to the three pages and it will also make the story more like a movie, which is what you want to reach for. You can revise for up to 70%.

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