My concern with the essay is that your central idea reads more like a list of observations rather than one assertive idea that compares the two. It’s probably fine to consider different topics that the plays touch on, but what is the POINT you’re making about these things? This idea in your conclusion seems to be a more focused assertion: the outcomes [of the plays] concluded with the message of mercy and care for others. That’s something I think you could develop. That said, I know you have limited time and you may need/want to keep your thesis as is. Technically, you’re starting to have sections of your essay that support your thesis. But you want these sections to be more explicit in terms of how they link back to your thesis. Your topic sentence should clearly state an idea that supports your thesis. So, for example, when you talk about HATE CRIMES, your paragraph needs to state what the hate crime is and how the play examines the hate crime (you’ll use the term hate crime). Also, I imagine that Mr. Langdon wants you to give more specific references to the text (i.e. brief quotes) that become the illustration of your point — then your evaluation/follow-up breaks down the details of this illustration (it’s the evidence to prove your point). that is the feedback
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